Today is my last day at Microsoft, as I will be leaving to pursue my boyhood dream of
eating the world’s biggest hoagie becoming a famous author someday. I’m sure you have many questions about this move, many of which I’ve preemptively answered below:
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Aren’t you already a famous author?
A: While I do get famous-author levels of hate mail, I fall short by most other metrics.
Q: Do famous authors even make enough money to survive?
A: Not unless they write about love triangles involving vampires and werewolves.
Q: What’s your next book about?
A: I’m thinking a love triangle involving a vampire and a werewolf.
Q: Isn’t that market kind of saturated?
A: That’s why my book is going to be in 3-D.
Q: You mean like a pop-up book?
A: No, although that’s not a bad idea.
Q: How can a book be in 3-D?
A: We’re still figuring that part out.
Q: Well, what can I do to help?
A: If you buy a copy of my first book, that would help me afford food for my kids.
Q: You have kids?
A: For my metaphorical kids, I mean.
Q: What’s a “metaphorical kid”?
A: This interview is over!
Anyway, exciting times are ahead, and I plan to chronicle them right here, so stay tuned!